Midsomer Norton Message (A JOKE; TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY)

New Town Policies to go into effect tomorrow

Global Recognition – we are to invite global dignitaries to reside and operate in the town hall free of charge to really bring the town centre global recognition; Invites have already been set to Col Gaddafi, Kim Jong ll and Hugo Chavez.
Construction of Divide – we are going to construct a border between the top and bottom of the high street; this was planned to be a concrete stone wall but have decided to have roll edging instead which also will have some flowers and plants around; just to make sure however that we do separate the two sides
Iron Age Economy – following the success of our medieval fair plans we are planning to introduce a better budget for the local economy, this is inspired by the financial transactions, salaries and benefits around in the Iron Age. Everybody got on really well then
Zero Tolerance – we are introducing the MSN Terracotta Shirts, a new volunteer based local police service who will protect and serve our area; they have zero tolerance on any crime but on two scales; if they are shoplifting, abuse, murder or fraud then they will be encouraged to spend a few hours of their busy lives helping us maintain the roll edging divide by painting etc; if anyone opposes our ideas as a council then they will be publicly named and shamed, branded a traitor and persecuted.
Divine Right – As Midsomer Norton People we are to accept that our Council is the biggest and best brand ever known to man; no other global brand, person or name has a right to be around us or appear bigger than ours.